Monday, March 16, 2009

[someday.]

Someday -- This is my biggest fear --
That I'll find myself a reason to care.
Maybe I'll awake and realize that my
Misgivings were simple premonitions,
Pissed away by a self-preserving and
Self-destructive impulse inside of me.

Tomorrow -- A day I can't imagine --
If I was supposed to be something,
It isn't supposed to be tomorrow, it 
Was forgotten just like yesterday.
Just like today. Just like every other
Day that my eyes refuse to open.

Yesterday -- I said that I was sorry --
But I'm only sorry that I didn't hurt
You sooner; letting myself relish in
This ceremonial bloodletting, embracing,
by the ounce, every bit of pain you
Let me show you of this world.

Today --Today I tried to live, again --
Only to find that I've lost the plot,
I'm really not the man I wish to be;
Sad, brittle, broken and lost without
my paddle -- the paddle I cast into the 
Sea, so why won't you just pity me?

Someday -- It'll be the day that I realize --
That I'll need to love myself to care.
Maybe I'll awake and realize that I
Already have, always have, that the
World just forgot to embrace what I 
Was -- Just whatever they weren't.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

[grenade.]

I realized, not too long ago
That I was nothing but a lost
Little soldier, exiled to a non-
Existent war. I've watched
Everything play out in front
Of my shallow eyes, only to
Realize that I was twenty-six
Hundred miles away from it all.

An existential dilemma wrapped
Up, neatly, inside of a thousand-
Yard stare; A victim of a self-
Imposed case of shell shock from
A hand grenade I haven't quite
Learned to let go of yet. The pin
Keeps calling to me, like the itch
That I could never reach. I won't
Be happy until I've burned all that
I was right down to the Ground.

Monday, December 22, 2008

"All I needed was inspiration"

"There has been a new development regarding your mission
which we must now communicate to you. Months ago a man
was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We
have reason to believe that he is now operating with Kurtz.
Saigon was carrying him MIA for his family's sake. They 
assumed he was dead. Then they intercepted a letter he
tried to send his wife :

SELL THE HOUSE
SELL THE CAR
SELL THE KIDS
FIND SOMEONE ELSE
FORGET IT
I'M NEVER COMING BACK
FORGET IT

Captain Richard Colby - he was with Kurtz."

Sunday, December 14, 2008

[legacy.]

I am not a poet, a clown to entertain you,
Guilty of nothing but parlor tricks to earn
An admirable gasp, to win the affections
Of sullen little ideological disasters with legs
Agape to devour what was left of my pride.
I don't have a gift that was bestowed upon
Me, that I have to carry like a beast of burden
Through a sea of meaningless affections and 
Trite little electronic messages of misplaced
Love. I don't want this to be my sad legacy;
A path of destruction and blood-shaped
Pools left to cake over time before the rain
Can wash away my every public disgrace.

I want to meet the Marlboro man and ride
Off with him, off into a cancerous sunset.

I want to spew bile and breathe smoke, unable
To make you smile or ever utter my name 
In your misguided orgasmic indiscretions.

I want to lay my bones amongst the rocks and
The roots, letting them dry out in the sun --
Time becomes the ultimate factor of my fallacy;
My legacy that I intend to mock until I lie.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

[smile]

From out of nowhere, it hit me --
Like a freight train at full speed.
My breath short, my mind swimming
In the newly flooded deep waters.
Your eyes haunt me as I sleep,
Tossing, turning, my desires pouring
Out with every choked syllable.

Every minute I wait drags itself out,
Time and space laughing as it pulls
Me down, drags me down like gravity.
With this weight on my shoulders I
Push forward, the wind whipping
At me so fast, so hard -- breathing 
In short bursts, dreaming of your smile.

Smile.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Chinese Democracy.


To understand, to really, really understand what this album is, you have to understand the timeline. I am 25 years old at the moment and finally have this album in my hands. When I was 10 years old "The Spaghetti Incident?" was released, which was an album of covers by Guns N' Roses. As I got a little bit older, I fell into an obsession over the band Guns N' Roses, maybe due to the awesome guitar work or earnst emotion conveyed by Axl Rose, or the fact that they never apologized no matter what they did. It was music that I could connect to, and really, the first band that did that to me.

I've waited well over half of my life to listen to this fully realized album, and the question seems to be; was it worth it? The answer is yes. For an even more overwhelming timeline, think about this; Axl Rose's last release came while George Bush was in office, and Chinese Democracy comes out at the tail end of George W. Bush's 8-year reign in office. At this point the timing both doesn't matter and is crucial; rock n' roll feels all but dead. When I think of the music I listen to, there really aren't bands like Guns N' Roses anymore. I think that really, the closest thing to them I still listen to is Megadeth. Bands simply don't exist like this anymore, the current names in big rock bands are uninspired bands that sound like poorly tossed together tribute bands to the early 90's, like Nickelback. This will not do. Rock music has been waiting for a saviour, and the unlikely hero is one of the most hated men in the history of rock music, W. Axl Rose.

This album is unlike any other I've experienced, as I feel a weird connection to it. Since 1999 I've been following the oddesy that is the creation of Chinese Democracy. Every live show that leaked out with a few new tracks, every demo that hit the net, every leaked track that made the rounds I've poured over in anticipation. I think the only things in life that I had to really wait to experience were driving, drinking legally, sex and Chinese Democracy, and most of them were disappointing when I finally reached it. I remember back to the first time Axl played "Chinese Democracy" live, or when I went to go see an awful Arnold Schwarzenegger film just to hear "Oh My God" play in the background and be supportive. I still remember the first time hearing about "Madagascar" at Rock In Rio II, where Kurt Loder of MTV proclaimed it a masterpiece unlike any other since "Stairway to Heaven." To say there was massive anticipation for this album is to sell it short. It had impossible anticipation.

So to say that it satisifies me really means something. From the ominious loop that introduces "Chinese Democracy" up until the dreamlike sequence that ends "Prostitute" there is never a minute where I question what I am listening to or feel like I need to skip. Now, there really weren't a lot of surprises along the way, as by the time this came out there really were only three songs that had never been heard before; "Scraped," "Sorry" and "This I Love." "Shackler's Revenge" is also quasi-new, as it just made its debut a few months ago in the videogame Rock Band 2. For a fourteen-track album, to think that only four songs are really new is astonishing. Think about it, I've been listening to "Chinese Democracy," "Rhiad" and "Street of Dreams" for years now, as they have morphed, grown, been manipulated until they reached their final forms. I almost feel like Axl did these brief tours and passed out these CDs to people he knew would leak it to get an initial reaction, and to know what he needs to do to these songs.

People are going to complain because Slash and Duff and maybe even to a lesser extent Matt Sorum aren't involved in this, but I don't think that Axl really needed them, and I think that is what this whole exercise was in. Before you complain that Slash's guitar melodies and solos were the soul behind Guns, listen to "Better" and feel all the parts just sort of come together perfectly, from the screaching intro, the pounding main riff, the great, emotional outtro solo that blows me away everytime on top of the incredible production and feel. Listen to this and tell me that Axl "needed" any of his previous bandmates. No, this album is Axl's, and while there were people that worked with him, the final Production credits go to him, the lyrics and music credits on every song go to him, with the music being shared with at least one other bandmate, but ultimately resting on him. Axl Rose was a singer in 1993, who wore Reeboks with his name on them, a bandana on his head and a pair of spandex shorts. In 2008 he is a musician who can play more than songs with simple chord progressions in the key of C on piano, which just speaks for what sort of transformation he has forced himself through in th past few years. The process has been taking the songs inside of his head and finding a way to transfer them into recordings.

Tracks like "Street of Dreams," "There Was a Time," "Sorry," "This I Love" and "Prostitute" just prove how much went into the recording of this album, with the complexity of each and just how well the final product turned out. Each song featuring some sort of complex arrangement for a rock song. Some songs are more memorable than others, and some songs are just beyond imagination. When you ask me why I stayed 'faithful' to Axl Rose throughout all of these years, listen to "Sorry" and understand that nobody else could have written that song. The haunting beginning to the build up to the explosion of a chorus until the song continues to swirl and build to a satisfying finish. Listen to "Madagascar" and try not to be blown away by the depth and scale of the whole thing, from the intro by an ensemble with the keyboard over it, to the classic screaching guitar dueling with Axl's lyrics, all the way to one of the best and most satisfying parts of any song I've heard in years, the guitar solo over well-placed vocal samples from various MLK speeches, quotes from "Mississippi Burning," "Se7en," "Cool Hand Luke" (again) and Michael J. Fox's amazing monologue from "Casualties of War."

People are going to hate this, it is inevitable. Axl Rose has made his share of enemies and over the years his antics have made him come off like a pompus, pretentious asshole. Then some people just don't listen to music like this anymore, because quite simply, it doesn't really exist. Or people are just too pretentious themselves to allow themselves to get lost in music like this. That is fine, but for me, I am able to put aside my pretentions and listen to Axl pour his soul out over a piano with a guitar wailing in the background in "This I Love" and be satisfied.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

YouTube Playlist

Sometimes it just happens, when you have a few select songs you can't stop listening to. So.

Nick Cave - Love Letter


Megadeth - Addicted to Chaos


Grinderman - Man in the Moon

Zakk Wylde -As Dead as Yesterday


Steve Von Till - Breathe


Acid Bath - The Bones of Baby Dolls


Blind Melon - Mouthful of Cavities


"They see you. They see everything you do."