"All I needed was inspiration"

"There has been a new development regarding your mission

which we must now communicate to you. Months ago a man

was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We

have reason to believe that he is now operating with Kurtz.

Saigon was carrying him MIA for his family's sake. They 

assumed he was dead. Then they intercepted a letter he

tried to send his wife :

SELL THE HOUSE

SELL THE CAR

SELL THE KIDS

FIND SOMEONE ELSE

FORGET IT

I'M NEVER COMING BACK

FORGET IT

Captain Richard Colby - he was with Kurtz."

[legacy.]

I am not a poet, a clown to entertain you,

Guilty of nothing but parlor tricks to earn

An admirable gasp, to win the affections

Of sullen little ideological disasters with legs

Agape to devour what was left of my pride.

I don't have a gift that was bestowed upon

Me, that I have to carry like a beast of burden

Through a sea of meaningless affections and 

Trite little electronic messages of misplaced

Love. I don't want this to be my sad legacy;

A path of destruction and blood-shaped

Pools left to cake over time before the rain

Can wash away my every public disgrace.

I want to meet the Marlboro man and ride

Off with him, off into a cancerous sunset.

I want to spew bile and breathe smoke, unable

To make you smile or ever utter my name 

In your misguided orgasmic indiscretions.

I want to lay my bones amongst the rocks and

The roots, letting them dry out in the sun --

Time becomes the ultimate factor of my fallacy;

My legacy that I intend to mock until I lie.

[smile]

From out of nowhere, it hit me --

Like a freight train at full speed.

My breath short, my mind swimming

In the newly flooded deep waters.

Your eyes haunt me as I sleep,

Tossing, turning, my desires pouring

Out with every choked syllable.

Every minute I wait drags itself out,

Time and space laughing as it pulls

Me down, drags me down like gravity.

With this weight on my shoulders I

Push forward, the wind whipping

At me so fast, so hard -- breathing 

In short bursts, dreaming of your smile.

Smile.