So I'm thinking, and I'm thinking that I need to cut down some weight. I need to be at least a Cruiserweight instead of a Heavyweight. I'm not fond of looking in the mirror and seeing Frank Mir post-accident with his gut and all. I wonder why I haven't worked out since November and where my head is at, but I'm not sure that it matters anymore.
Everybody gets all worked up in the New Year and sets these lofty goals that they never intend to even give a fair shot, they look back at how awful the previous year as and how this year will be different, will be better. If I ever wonder why I let myself go this time, I just reflect. It has nothing to do with any sort of year, years are arbitrary if anything. A calendar change means nothing to me. I just want to get better.
July my father died and I've never truly felt pain like that before, and if I have I've been able to block it out. I've been doing my best to get over it, but one doesn't just get over something like this. I got that promotion that I deserved from work, but what does it matter? It was a year too late and in the end it doesn't help anything. I had a carrot dangled over my face when I was bleeding and asked to compete. I can never turn down a fight, even if there is no way that I can win, that is just the nature of the beast. I found out that I was close, so very close, but still didn't make it, but what does that matter if nothing changes for me?
I met a girl that I respected, a girl that I thought the world of. Things got heavy and they got there fast, it was what we both wanted, but when it came down to it, it was too much for her and shit that was good is shit that doesn't exist anymore. My true nature, the locust star, never stops shining the light of existence. There's a lot of stuff and things will always be heavy.
That is just what you are. Accept it.
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4 comments:
I think the new year truly is a good reminder and opportunity for self-improvement. And even if the goals are lofty and don't get met, you never do win the lottery unless you buy a ticket. I've made VERY lofty goals and I already have dreams [read: nightmares] that I break them, but I have to prove to myself that I can do this and possess some sort of self-discipline, ya know?
Anyway, I'll help you stay motivated if you help me ;)
Oh Laura, of course I'll help you stay motivated.
Dave, it sounds like life has been rough for you lately. I'm sorry. You're absolutely right that we live in a broken world. However, I agree with this line from one of my favorite books: "I know now, from experience, that the path to joy winds through this dark valley."
It's difficult when the dark valley is the only source of inspiration and speaks to you and you alone.
I've always kind of remembered this quote from Leo Tolstoy; "Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness is a story."
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