[ L o c u s t S t a r ]

Netflix Changed the World While Corporate America was Sleeping

2010-07-04T13:52:00.001-07:00

I just read that Blockbuster will not be going bankrupt — yet — but that they have found a way to stay afloat for a while longer, which includes being delisted from the New York Stock Exchange. They were trading at 19 cents a share. This just highlights how much the internet has changed the world and will continue to change the world in the coming years. There is no doubt in anybody’s mind that companies like Netflix have completely reinvented the way that we as consumers view. consuming films and television. Netflix itself has changed a lot since its inception in 1997. It is 2010 right now and I’ve had an active account with Netflix since around 2002, which is a whopping eight years, and since then the evolution of Netflix has involved free, streaming movies and television episodes over the internet.

There is simply no reason for any sort of service like Blockbuster at this point in time. The other giant in the industry is Redbox, which is just as it sounds, a kiosk outside of supermarkets and drug stores that offers recent releases for a discounted rate and no sort of contractual obligation other than returning the disc after you’ve viewed it. Right now rental kiosks account for 19% of the marketshare for DVD rentals, with the mail services such as Netflix at 36%. Together, they are the majority and will most likely continue to grow. Both services can co-exist because of how diverse the market is right now. A company like Netflix caters to a certain audience; ones who use the internet often, who enjoy newer technology and who have some disposable income, while Redbox appeals to nearly everybody by making the process simple and inexpensive.

Netflix has nothing to worry about and will not for a while, as for right now they have the market cornered through innovation. Kiosk services like Redbox are a great idea and will continue to thrive, but are still built in the traditional retail model of physical location and offering a tangible product. Of course they do what Blockbuster wishes it could do; have multiple locations per square mile that involve next to no overhead (building costs, utilities, employees). This is all well and good, but Netflix makes a much different mode of attack for distribution of their goods; the internet.

We are still at a point where the internet’s tremendous growth hasn’t caught on with every American, as there is an older generation that went most of its life without it and while they have begun to embrace the internet, cannot grasp how younger generations cannot seemingly live without it. Netflix’s brand is without question right now in the film industry, as it has gone far beyond sending out red envelopes with scuffed DVDs in filthy paper sleeves. Netflix has gotten its brand out into the world by offering their streaming services to as many people as they can. Their streaming service began on their website and then moved on to a few set-top boxes such as the Roku. From there they struck deals with Microsoft for the XBox360 console and multiple DVD player manufacturers, then to other game console developers and the latest big step is television manufacturers themselves. Basically, if you own almost any piece of modern technology that allows you to watch something on a screen and can hook up to the internet, you can view Netflix on it.

So I guess the whole point of this is to see how innovation will always in the end topple stagnation. Blockbuster and other retail rental spots are stagnant and have spent the past ten years playing catch-up to a market that was moving far quicker than they are. As a person who has been in a corporate environment for the past three years inside of a giant, lumbering-yet-stagnant industry, I’ve watched the world move on and I’ve watched how my company and our competitors conduct business. I’ve seen the innovations made by companies within the industry in the past twenty years and I’m astonished by just how little has changed and just how sterile the environment is. To see an industry from the inside be so afraid of its own shadow and to step out from the shadow is to see it walk right off of a cliff eventually without ever seeing it coming, as it was so busy looking back and getting lost in trying to catch up to see what is before them.

I’ve watched committees being formed, I’ve watched the flow of ideas where a great idea is pitched, people get excited, and then it is analyzed, torn apart and then put on the shelf for years because it threatens the status quo and ultimately, it is scary. This is what happened to the film rental industry and what will happen to many more.

The music industry is a mess, with iTunes and Amazon still selling music in a traditional way with non-traditional (yet still somewhat traditional) delivery. There has yet to be a Netflix for music as everybody is so afraid or trying to over-innovate and make music more “social.” I’m sorry, but Netflix does offer me suggestions, but never do I turn on a movie on Netflix and am then forced to sit through a suggestion of what I might like. That is what services like Pandora offer, and while that is OK for some, the complete lack of choice and the poor quality of services like this make it built more in the incredibly antiquated model of the radio station than a direct-to-the-consumer service model that has thrived for other companies in other fields.

People need to wake up.

[surface.]

2010-03-28T21:44:00.001-07:00

I wish that I could die in your arms tonight,
But it is your decision and its taking you
Far too long, for my tastes and your own.
Sure, I’ve fallen before and of course, I’ll fall
Over and over again; that alone my decision.

Maybe I’ve bled out enough to show that I feel;
Or maybe I’ve yet to scratch the surface now.
Either way I realize the blood only flows in one
Direction; solidarity in a cleansing stream of red
In hopes that it touches you where I can’t.

Tonight I want to gaze into those eyes, feel
Your lips and the breath of your laugh and fall,
Once again into a place where I’m comfortable
With the voices crafting my cruelest actions
Knowing I’m not the only one who can see them.

Can’t I rest my head a while in the warm embrace
Of your smile and feel like if even for a moment,
A fleeting memory, that it is with you that I belong?

[locust.star]

2010-01-06T18:35:00.000-08:00

So I'm thinking, and I'm thinking that I need to cut down some weight. I need to be at least a Cruiserweight instead of a Heavyweight. I'm not fond of looking in the mirror and seeing Frank Mir post-accident with his gut and all. I wonder why I haven't worked out since November and where my head is at, but I'm not sure that it matters anymore.

Everybody gets all worked up in the New Year and sets these lofty goals that they never intend to even give a fair shot, they look back at how awful the previous year as and how this year will be different, will be better. If I ever wonder why I let myself go this time, I just reflect. It has nothing to do with any sort of year, years are arbitrary if anything. A calendar change means nothing to me. I just want to get better.

July my father died and I've never truly felt pain like that before, and if I have I've been able to block it out. I've been doing my best to get over it, but one doesn't just get over something like this. I got that promotion that I deserved from work, but what does it matter? It was a year too late and in the end it doesn't help anything. I had a carrot dangled over my face when I was bleeding and asked to compete. I can never turn down a fight, even if there is no way that I can win, that is just the nature of the beast. I found out that I was close, so very close, but still didn't make it, but what does that matter if nothing changes for me?

I met a girl that I respected, a girl that I thought the world of. Things got heavy and they got there fast, it was what we both wanted, but when it came down to it, it was too much for her and shit that was good is shit that doesn't exist anymore. My true nature, the locust star, never stops shining the light of existence. There's a lot of stuff and things will always be heavy.

That is just what you are. Accept it.

[the.world.needs.a.hero]

2009-12-15T21:47:00.001-08:00

The world needs a hero,

And I fear that it isn’t me.
All that I’ve wanted is to
Be your hero; hold you close
to tell you that its always
Going to be alright. We both
Know that it isn’t, and who
Are we fooling? Maybe that
Is why the world still needs
A hero, and I’m stuck inside
Of the darkness of my mind.

[lips.to.a.flame]

2009-11-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

[lips.]

When your lips met mine,
The layers melted away,
The world was put on hold.
Your hand slipped into
Mine and for once all of the
Pieces finally fit. I find
Myself, lost, once again,
This time in your eyes as
You stare back at me,
Myself stripped bare, naked,
Without fear. I stare back
At you, nothing more than
Myself; trembling, shaking,
Alive again, all from your smile.

[flame.]

Now its daybreak and all
The butterflies have left;
Seeking the flickering of
A still burning set of flames.
Its because you are broken,
And I am scarred. My trail
Of blood and reason ran
through me, you were but a
Brief passerby; a tourist
of my maligned desires. If I
Could find a way, I'd blame
Myself for thinking I could
Rest my head from all of my
Weary days. But I'm covering
Up again, Shivering, Cold.

[ashes.]

2009-10-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if the sun will shine again,
Because I've been blind for far too long.
The stars stopped speaking to me or I
Just believe that I've lost my language.

I spoke in tongues and now I speak in maths,
Neither one has led me to the reason.
I'm bloodless and numb, you're ashes in
my mouth. Sorrow never knew its home,
Now it has found its way back to me.

If I'm not lost then I'm not sure that I
Can really be found, You're ashes in my
Mouth and I can't breath this air anymore.

No words.

2009-07-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Through all of the bullshit, I realize that I'm not ready to let you go. I realize that none of this makes sense to me and it won't for a while. So many thoughts have gone through my head, and now that I'm trying to collect them I'm overwhelmed; I don't really know what to say.

Mary called me this morning, and I knew that Mary had no reason to be calling me at 8:11 on a Monday morning. My gut wrenched as I walked through my office so I could call her back. I knew they were just returning from Europe, and my first thought is that something happened to both of them, or just to Pam.. But if so my dad would be calling me, not Mary. They thought it was a heart attack, my stepmom found him on the bathroom floor not moving or breathing. He was rushed to the hospital where they kept trying to stabilize his condition, but nothing was working. I drove home solemn, I kept my sunglasses on because the tears were streaming down my face.

He'll make it, people survive these all the time. Every day people survive heart attacks. People, worse people who lived selfish, cruel lives have survived them. My step father, who holds a special place in the depth of depravity survived two of them, my dad was going to be fine, I thought. Except that it wasn't a heart attack. It was worse.

My dad had a brain aneurysm and it hemorrhaged. The next time I spoke with Mary she explained this, and explained that they asked if a brain surgeon should be brought in, but then there would be a 5% chance of survival -- brain dead in a wheel chair for however long he could sustain. As I type this, my father is on life support, as my sister explained to me, his chest still heaves up and down as his lungs pump air throughout his system. He lays there, serene, hooked up to a life support system, long enough so they can harvest his organs to be donated.

I'm across the country and I can't get there until tomorrow and I'm not even sure how I'm feeling. I realize that I'm slipping tenses here, but I really don't care.

Dad, there is really so much that I want to say, and I know that I can't, that it is too late. You spent your entire life dedicated to helping everybody else and nobody ever had the chance to help you out in return. I know this is how you would of wanted it; you wouldn't of wanted to put other people what they put you through. Yesterday you brought your sick Aunt that you've taken care of for as long as I can imagine a set of rosary beads that you bought for her at the Vatican. You were always there for her, even when nobody else was. They all visited her when she was alright, but you were the one that took her from hospital to hospital, that was there every day that you could be. The same with your mother, you were always there while everybody else kept their distance and waited.

You never gave up and you never would have. I remember those nights that you spent sleeping on a sleeping bag on my floor because my mother was trying to provoke you so she could get custody of us, and I remember how every night you cried yourself to sleep when you thought that I had already fallen asleep. When a little over a year and a half later I decided to go back and live with her because I wasn't happy with your life decisions you didn't stop me, and when that fell apart you didn't raise a single objection to taking me back.

All I can really hope for is that you were happy these last 10 years. I love you. I am going to miss you.

Whispering.. Wondering..

2009-07-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

[lonesome.song]

2009-07-12T22:07:00.000-07:00

As I fall deeper and deeper,

I feel my heart shatter --

Into a million little pieces.

Not knowing your touch,

Or smelling your scent

Leaves me wondering why;

Scratching at the doors

And picking at the bindings.

I try to pick up the pieces,

As to not be lost without you;

Instead I find myself whispering

To you in my sleep, wondering

If my voice can carry that far,

Or if your ears can hear the sounds

Of my last lonesome song.

[midland]

2009-06-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

The pumpjack stands --

Ominous on the horizon

As the sun melts through my soul.

A hazy lack of understanding

Plagues me as I tend to my mind

In misunderstood silence.

The trail of smoke and reason burns

Without my consent yet again,

Bending my will and contorting my mind.

This was never my intention,

But instead my affliction,

As I'm cursed to walk through life alone;

My stark atonement for opening my eyes

To a world that wishes to remain unseen.

I see.

2009-05-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

I see people and feel guilty. A part of me feels bad for them, for what they know and don't know. It isn't pity or loathing as much as it is a cold indifference. People are sad.

How am I expected to integrate with them if I don't see any value in them?

I miss my friends.

[more.]

2009-04-25T21:39:00.001-07:00

I'm disconnected through your smile --

Haunted by the sound and the fury

Of your laugh. Enchanted again by

The look in your eyes, the pounding

In my head and the throbbing of my

Heart. My signals are shaken not stirred.

Knock three times if this is for real.

Knock two times if you want me.

Knock me unconscious if I'm still alive.

Not that I'd be able to tell, but when

I decided to lose myself I found you,

Wondering if I'm too far gone to be

Saved. A penetrating truth is needed

While only a vague nonsensical smile

Is playing out as my spirit guide. It

Is never enough to simply be, there

Always has to be a catch, always

Has to be an overwhelming sense

That there is more, always more.

If I ask nicely, may I have some more?

[someday.]

2009-03-16T18:53:00.001-07:00

Someday -- This is my biggest fear --

That I'll find myself a reason to care.

Maybe I'll awake and realize that my

Misgivings were simple premonitions,

Pissed away by a self-preserving and

Self-destructive impulse inside of me.

Tomorrow -- A day I can't imagine --

If I was supposed to be something,

It isn't supposed to be tomorrow, it

Was forgotten just like yesterday.

Just like today. Just like every other

Day that my eyes refuse to open.

Yesterday -- I said that I was sorry --

But I'm only sorry that I didn't hurt

You sooner; letting myself relish in

This ceremonial bloodletting, embracing,

by the ounce, every bit of pain you

Let me show you of this world.

Today --Today I tried to live, again --

Only to find that I've lost the plot,

I'm really not the man I wish to be;

Sad, brittle, broken and lost without

my paddle -- the paddle I cast into the

Sea, so why won't you just pity me?

Someday -- It'll be the day that I realize --

That I'll need to love myself to care.

Maybe I'll awake and realize that I

Already have, always have, that the

World just forgot to embrace what I

Was -- Just whatever they weren't.

[grenade.]

2009-02-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

I realized, not too long ago

That I was nothing but a lost

Little soldier, exiled to a non-

Existent war. I've watched

Everything play out in front

Of my shallow eyes, only to

Realize that I was twenty-six

Hundred miles away from it all.

An existential dilemma wrapped

Up, neatly, inside of a thousand-

Yard stare; A victim of a self-

Imposed case of shell shock from

A hand grenade I haven't quite

Learned to let go of yet. The pin

Keeps calling to me, like the itch

That I could never reach. I won't

Be happy until I've burned all that

I was right down to the Ground.

"All I needed was inspiration"

2008-12-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

"There has been a new development regarding your mission

which we must now communicate to you. Months ago a man

was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We

have reason to believe that he is now operating with Kurtz.

Saigon was carrying him MIA for his family's sake. They

assumed he was dead. Then they intercepted a letter he

tried to send his wife :

SELL THE HOUSE

SELL THE CAR

SELL THE KIDS

FIND SOMEONE ELSE

FORGET IT

I'M NEVER COMING BACK

FORGET IT

Captain Richard Colby - he was with Kurtz."

[legacy.]

2008-12-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

I am not a poet, a clown to entertain you,

Guilty of nothing but parlor tricks to earn

An admirable gasp, to win the affections

Of sullen little ideological disasters with legs

Agape to devour what was left of my pride.

I don't have a gift that was bestowed upon

Me, that I have to carry like a beast of burden

Through a sea of meaningless affections and

Trite little electronic messages of misplaced

Love. I don't want this to be my sad legacy;

A path of destruction and blood-shaped

Pools left to cake over time before the rain

Can wash away my every public disgrace.

I want to meet the Marlboro man and ride

Off with him, off into a cancerous sunset.

I want to spew bile and breathe smoke, unable

To make you smile or ever utter my name

In your misguided orgasmic indiscretions.

I want to lay my bones amongst the rocks and

The roots, letting them dry out in the sun --

Time becomes the ultimate factor of my fallacy;

My legacy that I intend to mock until I lie.

[smile]

2008-12-07T18:38:00.001-08:00

From out of nowhere, it hit me --

Like a freight train at full speed.

My breath short, my mind swimming

In the newly flooded deep waters.

Your eyes haunt me as I sleep,

Tossing, turning, my desires pouring

Out with every choked syllable.

Every minute I wait drags itself out,

Time and space laughing as it pulls

Me down, drags me down like gravity.

With this weight on my shoulders I

Push forward, the wind whipping

At me so fast, so hard -- breathing

In short bursts, dreaming of your smile.

Smile.

Chinese Democracy.

2008-11-24T21:02:00.000-08:00

To understand, to really, really understand what this album is, you have to understand the timeline. I am 25 years old at the moment and finally have this album in my hands. When I was 10 years old "The Spaghetti Incident?" was released, which was an album of covers by Guns N' Roses. As I got a little bit older, I fell into an obsession over the band Guns N' Roses, maybe due to the awesome guitar work or earnst emotion conveyed by Axl Rose, or the fact that they never apologized no matter what they did. It was music that I could connect to, and really, the first band that did that to me.

I've waited well over half of my life to listen to this fully realized album, and the question seems to be; was it worth it? The answer is yes. For an even more overwhelming timeline, think about this; Axl Rose's last release came while George Bush was in office, and Chinese Democracy comes out at the tail end of George W. Bush's 8-year reign in office. At this point the timing both doesn't matter and is crucial; rock n' roll feels all but dead. When I think of the music I listen to, there really aren't bands like Guns N' Roses anymore. I think that really, the closest thing to them I still listen to is Megadeth. Bands simply don't exist like this anymore, the current names in big rock bands are uninspired bands that sound like poorly tossed together tribute bands to the early 90's, like Nickelback. This will not do. Rock music has been waiting for a saviour, and the unlikely hero is one of the most hated men in the history of rock music, W. Axl Rose.

This album is unlike any other I've experienced, as I feel a weird connection to it. Since 1999 I've been following the oddesy that is the creation of Chinese Democracy. Every live show that leaked out with a few new tracks, every demo that hit the net, every leaked track that made the rounds I've poured over in anticipation. I think the only things in life that I had to really wait to experience were driving, drinking legally, sex and Chinese Democracy, and most of them were disappointing when I finally reached it. I remember back to the first time Axl played "Chinese Democracy" live, or when I went to go see an awful Arnold Schwarzenegger film just to hear "Oh My God" play in the background and be supportive. I still remember the first time hearing about "Madagascar" at Rock In Rio II, where Kurt Loder of MTV proclaimed it a masterpiece unlike any other since "Stairway to Heaven." To say there was massive anticipation for this album is to sell it short. It had impossible anticipation.

So to say that it satisifies me really means something. From the ominious loop that introduces "Chinese Democracy" up until the dreamlike sequence that ends "Prostitute" there is never a minute where I question what I am listening to or feel like I need to skip. Now, there really weren't a lot of surprises along the way, as by the time this came out there really were only three songs that had never been heard before; "Scraped," "Sorry" and "This I Love." "Shackler's Revenge" is also quasi-new, as it just made its debut a few months ago in the videogame Rock Band 2. For a fourteen-track album, to think that only four songs are really new is astonishing. Think about it, I've been listening to "Chinese Democracy," "Rhiad" and "Street of Dreams" for years now, as they have morphed, grown, been manipulated until they reached their final forms. I almost feel like Axl did these brief tours and passed out these CDs to people he knew would leak it to get an initial reaction, and to know what he needs to do to these songs.

People are going to complain because Slash and Duff and maybe even to a lesser extent Matt Sorum aren't involved in this, but I don't think that Axl really needed them, and I think that is what this whole exercise was in. Before you complain that Slash's guitar melodies and solos were the soul behind Guns, listen to "Better" and feel all the parts just sort of come together perfectly, from the screaching intro, the pounding main riff, the great, emotional outtro solo that blows me away everytime on top of the incredible production and feel. Listen to this and tell me that Axl "needed" any of his previous bandmates. No, this album is Axl's, and while there were people that worked with him, the final Production credits go to him, the lyrics and music credits on every song go to him, with the music being shared with at least one other bandmate, but ultimately resting on him. Axl Rose was a singer in 1993, who wore Reeboks with his name on them, a bandana on his head and a pair of spandex shorts. In 2008 he is a musician who can play more than songs with simple chord progressions in the key of C on piano, which just speaks for what sort of transformation he has forced himself through in th past few years. The process has been taking the songs inside of his head and finding a way to transfer them into recordings.

Tracks like "Street of Dreams," "There Was a Time," "Sorry," "This I Love" and "Prostitute" just prove how much went into the recording of this album, with the complexity of each and just how well the final product turned out. Each song featuring some sort of complex arrangement for a rock song. Some songs are more memorable than others, and some songs are just beyond imagination. When you ask me why I stayed 'faithful' to Axl Rose throughout all of these years, listen to "Sorry" and understand that nobody else could have written that song. The haunting beginning to the build up to the explosion of a chorus until the song continues to swirl and build to a satisfying finish. Listen to "Madagascar" and try not to be blown away by the depth and scale of the whole thing, from the intro by an ensemble with the keyboard over it, to the classic screaching guitar dueling with Axl's lyrics, all the way to one of the best and most satisfying parts of any song I've heard in years, the guitar solo over well-placed vocal samples from various MLK speeches, quotes from "Mississippi Burning," "Se7en," "Cool Hand Luke" (again) and Michael J. Fox's amazing monologue from "Casualties of War."

People are going to hate this, it is inevitable. Axl Rose has made his share of enemies and over the years his antics have made him come off like a pompus, pretentious asshole. Then some people just don't listen to music like this anymore, because quite simply, it doesn't really exist. Or people are just too pretentious themselves to allow themselves to get lost in music like this. That is fine, but for me, I am able to put aside my pretentions and listen to Axl pour his soul out over a piano with a guitar wailing in the background in "This I Love" and be satisfied.

YouTube Playlist

2008-10-28T16:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it just happens, when you have a few select songs you can't stop listening to. So.

Nick Cave - Love Letter

Megadeth - Addicted to Chaos

Grinderman - Man in the Moon

Zakk Wylde -As Dead as Yesterday

Steve Von Till - Breathe

Acid Bath - The Bones of Baby Dolls

Blind Melon - Mouthful of Cavities

"They see you. They see everything you do."

[torrent.]

2008-10-23T17:15:00.000-07:00

Fragility be damned; Alone I stand, strong.

I stand not for your smile, your heart, your love.

No, alone I stand, atop my molten-cool center,

Winding down after my heart bled torrents.

Created are these; Emotional, scarred track marks.

Dormant I've lain, hiding my festering addiction;

A passenger of dark, masquerading through the light,

Sun-scarred eyes refusing to see; Refuse the pattern.

Waiting out storms; Dry I stand, remote.

The fire warms, but the water beads, running.

Pouring down my soul's bullet-proofed window;

A stifling reminder of all that could have been.

Unquenched thirst; The longing, the anticipation.

Even with open windows, it's still nothing but drops;

Bolt by bolt, Chain by chain, break down the door,

Surrender the fears, the loathing; Cold rain stings.

Lightning breaks right; Tearing the night, shamed.

The storm seeps, the open wounds, painful reminders.

The rain I begged for and storm that I had sought;

These scars still bleed from your tainted touch.

No longer can I know, I'm conditioned beyond repair.

[ruin]

2008-10-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

I am an engine of ruin; far too aware.

I cannot stop the engine; ruin is imminent.

I never said that I don't make mistakes.

The mirror reflects a truly snowy descent.

Sadness/Madness/Ruin.

From/Reply II

2008-10-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

From: Storm of Lies

Drying out --
After riding out the storm
The falling tides
Washed my hope ashore

Drawing lines in the sand
Waiting for the sun to set,
The waves to rise
And this smile
To be tested
By the stormy waters
Of a lifetime of past mistakes

The storm of lies --
Bleeding.
Torrent falls, the sirens ablaze
Standing silent amidst the embers.

Your hand,
Lone defender and sign
This war is over

Reply: Lines in the Sand

Control.

Like a subtle, lone whisper, this detail confines me,

Defining what I wish I could contain.

Contain; restrain; try to separate from.

Loss is an opiate, it numbs and it stings,

Luminous and dulling all the same.

These walls move closer, get slicker,

I can't say I have much to hold on to –

No matter how hard I wish, how hard

I cry, tape peels, posters crash.

These walls remain resistant to change,

Any change imposed is change denied.

Reality dictates gravity defies your logic,

Your hopes and your dreams.

Hope a neurotoxin, fueled by love – hate –

Everything in between, but always a posion.

Always just enough to send everything you know,

Everything you've built – crashing down.

Lines in the sand are lines in the sand –

You a fool, always a fool for hoping they'd last,

Standing defiant to the crashing waves.

Reality dictates they wouldn't stay obedient,

But your reality always felt so far away,

A past tale to spill over coffee and a few laughs.

The war was never over –

This was just a temporary distraction;

Reality dictates that you ran away,

Chasing a trail of smoke and passion.

You ran away and left it all behind,

The war will always be here for you,

Just in time for your return,

Ready to pick up right where you left off—

Cold. Lonley. Far too aware.

From/Reply I

2008-10-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

So, I'm thinking of doing a few before/after, from/reply pieces. These are old, are open thought/closed thought.

Initial:

Shadows on the Wall

Dancing shadows on the
wall echo the storm in my
mind. A smile so bright and
phosphorescent brings out the
beautiful intensity from your
eyes.

I'd love to stay here, my fixed
gaze on your heavy, sleepy
eyes. If only I could I'd light your
world, into a towering, dancing
inferno, like these shadows on the
wall.

Reply: Narcissistic Delusionary Malfunction

1:4

There is
no
light in
flourescent
minds;
only nar-
cissistic delusions

-----------------------------

I knew once
What made me.
The layers, eroded
by time lay crumbled.
You cannot define
what you do not --

Understand

Your smile ignited flame,
while the mind melted
my extinguishing infatuation.

------------------------------------

I've malfunctioned;
in a classical sense.
Lone aberration
lost at sea,
choked.. back by
a collective tide.

Absolution [dark]

2008-10-03T05:46:00.001-07:00

Prelude: I think that I should explain that all of these short poems happen on a notepad while I'm at work. Due to the tiny size of the notebook, I limit myself to around 20 lines.

---

The clouds part -- unveil
A dimming sun, burning
The last of its waning life --
Slowly fading are pasty glories.
With each passing ray, atonement
Becomes all the more abstract --
A shimmering visage of the past.

The hands outstretch, crying out
In their own way, to the dimming sky;
"Fade not away -- we need you --
I need you. I need you now!" Ignorant
Are they to cry for absolution, ignorant
To the transitory stasis of an extinguished
Sky -- the cycle is light to dark, dark to light,
Before the final dark sky paints life black.

Dream [Fade Out.]

2008-09-26T02:23:00.000-07:00

At times I can't believe
That after all these trials,
I've found exactly what I
was looking for. When I
see your face the numbing
Starts to subside, the
Reality that is you washes
Over and consumes me.

A part of me stands defiant,
In disbelief -- you can't be
real, I allude to myself. If
I'm pinching myself and this
Is a dream, I am so far
Gone that I no longer exist in
A waking world. If this is
Just a dream then let me
Sleep. Let me fade out.

Dig --

2008-09-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

I fought -- and I fought --

To keep my head --

But here I am --

Heart on sleeve --

Living the same mistake --

The same numbness inside.

I loved -- and I loved you --

When I wanted to run --

To keep everything inside --

Under my control, my skin --

I've suppresed the notion --

Only to give in.

I've made my bed -- owned my mistakes --

Pursed my lips and sighed again --

Every moment I take --

Digs closer to my home --

Into this hole I've dug --

Unearthen are my sad mistakes.

[where]

2008-09-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

This is where I am --
This is where I should not
be. Treading treacherous waters
completely alien to me. In the
end it was my decision,
no one else's to be here.
As I choke on the waves
and call out your name, looking
for who to blame, another wave
crashes, pushing me deeper
and deeper still, into my mind, my
own oblivion. This is where I stay.

This, this is where I am.

Altar

2008-09-14T02:51:00.000-07:00

Altar.I

Many listless hours in, the stone altar stands firm.
Not a single flamed kissed the cold granite
For many ages; as this would imply sustained life.
Dust gathers, spiders spin until doldrums
Set in; Such a barren place traps nothing.

Altar.II

A cool breeze blows, the altar stands exposed.
Blood-stained, lye-soaked but still unclean
For my efforts; bound to a past of crass mistakes.
Times passes, the worlds spins its axis
In circles; while this cavern stands firm.

Altar.III

Repetition is key, the altar foolishly learned.
Form surrounds and engulfs, bringing a sense
Of order upon it; an empirical existential dilemma.
Wills imposed, the world around has spoken
Its creed; variation means uncertain destruction.

Altar.IV

Time has lost all meaning, the altar simply is.
Questions unanswered, an answer would simply
Be lost in time; fallen upon the deafest of ears.
Exist here, understand self-chosen exile from
the heart; a loveless altar misses not its flame.

Altar.V

A smile from the horizon, the altar glows red.
The spark of life, bursting upon the scene
Causes it to falter; a lone ember burns softly.
Fight as it might, this altar cannot stand firm and
face down the flame; awash in the familiar sting.

Altar.VI

The flame burns on, the altar's form confines.
A burning sensation, alien from cold but
forgotten desires; welcomed back home again.
Form cannot sustain, the burning has taken a
Firm grasp; options thinned to flesh and bone.

Altar.VII

Form is lost -- the inferno rages.
The infectious warmth
Brought to life
An Altar
Long-past forgotten.

[bruisesXscars]

2008-09-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Would it be childish if I said
That I wanted you -- Wanted to
Know your scent, to know
your touch? I want to take
your bruises in with my scars,
and absolve ourselves from
our bleeding misfortune of
a world that we call home.

With your trembling hand
in mine, we could sit back
and watch the world as it
explodes around us, illum-
inating the fire in your eyes.
I'd be complete to know that
I burn inside your heart.

[sky.]

2008-09-05T23:18:00.000-07:00

There is a certain
Lack of light
In the sky today.
The collective mind has shut down,
Spinning on its axis has
Damaged everything
Beyond reasonable repair...
If there [really] was reason,
Do you... See reason,
Or do you see what I see;
A broken axis still spinning,
With nobody in control

Album Rewind: Vehemence | God Was Created

2008-09-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

I've decided to trek through some of my favorite albums of the past few years and write about them. While I can't assure nothing but musical analysis, instead I can offer why these albums are interesting to me. If I'm talking about it, of course the music is going to be to my liking, but sometimes what really brings an album together to me is the whole; is it, as a whole a composition? Are there underlying themes? How well-placed are the tracks? Much, much more. So, I'm going to start this off with the CD I had in my car on the way home from work today, and always a favorite after a rough day when I feel like just taking a nap or destroying something:

Vehemence | God Was Created

My relationship with metal is a strange one; as a kid growing up, I was always attracted to heavier, darker music. But I reached an age where I decided that metal didn't make sense anymore, that it was cheesy, full of cliches and was immature. While I still believe that this is more or less the case with a lot of it, the good metal is different and will not only help you let off some steam, but always take you some place musically that other forms of music are afraid to explore. When I got back into metal, it was very much about Black Metal and Thrash Metal, with some Death and Grindcore thrown in. Eventually, I decided that Death Metal was just a twinge too brutal for me at times, without any real hooks or trying to be musically deep.

Then I heard Vehemence. Vehemence is brutal, brutal, brutal. Growling, guttural vocal attacks mixed in with anguished screams, pounding drums, punchy basslines and brutal to beautifully melodic guitar work is what makes up Vehemence. In 2002, Vehemence released their second album, God Was Created, and it floored me. Their first album was good, but didn't hold my attention all that well. This album was different, not only was it a well-crafted album, it was a concept album delving into the mind of a troubled teenage boy at odds with himself, religion and having any sort of healthy relationship. It is an album that lyrically is not only dark, brutal and disgusting, but about self-discovery and realization, maybe even self actualization in a way.

No doubt, this album was released during the height of my militant anti-God, atheist stance on religion, and fueled many a passionate rant on society and religion, but thankfully it has held up even as I've passed through the tunnel into agnosticism. The album starts off with a frantic but clean guitar line, which is quickly interrupted by Nathan Gearhart's passionate cry of "JESUS!" accompanied by Vehemence's musically brutal riffs providing the stark contrast that you'll come to know and love throughout the album. The twists and turns the song takes, accentuated by the revving scream of the lead guitar are only the beginning of the journey.

Musically, there is a theme that they return to a few times, a riff they'll revisit at different times in the album, different progressions in the main character's descent into madness and clarity, with the early climax coming in the aptly titled "Christ, I Fucking Hate You!" as the music and lyrics take a turn from self-loathing and disparity to hatred and denial. The calm doesn't come until "The Last Fantasy of Christ" gives the listener a brief break from the brutality of the last few tracks to contemplate the experience so far. While the break isn't long, the interlude in the song is one of the absolutely shining moments of the album; "Even if you did exist, you'll never know what happened to us... You died before it even began..." is spoken before the rest of the band decides to unleash themselves upon you, the listener again.

The album's climax begins at the title track, "God Was Created," introducing listeners back to the musical theme again, as well as the character coming to his conclusions about God, Jesus and religion; "I am my own savior!" -- as well as -- "God was created by human minds!" -- and -- "You are your own God/I am my own God!" The folly of the main character is realized now, as there wasn't anything controlling him but his own foolishness, as the classical guitar to round out the brutality of the title track brings us into the unifying tracks with enough of the brutality and melodic guitar work to bring the entire album together and make it, as a composition, not only whole, but incredible.

Vinyl

2008-04-19T10:20:00.001-07:00

I've been pretty quiet on here of late, you could say that I've been kind of busy with work, traveling, training, just plain doing shit. But whatever, no excuse. In the past few months I've started to amass a pretty decent collection of vinyl. While I haven't photographed everything, I have taken some of some of the absolute best stuff I've gotten.

SunnO))) & Boris - Altar

This is from a limited pressing of 510 picture disks with photos from their big 'Altar' show they did together in London. Every side is absolutely awesome.

Kayo Dot - Dowsing Anemone with Copper Tongue

When I saw a new limited pressing of this album came out, I hopped on it. Well worth the wait (nearly a month), I think.

SunnO))) - Oracle

Their 2007 release that while its only 2 tracks, still blows my mind. Helio)))sophist is really one of their top works, ever. Plus on clear vinyl it kicks all sorts of ass.

Kayo Dot & Bloody Panda Split LP

They finally repressed this one, and I finally got it. "Don't Touch Dead Animals" is one of my favorite Kayo Dot songs, so I had to have this.

Neurosis - Given to the Rising

I'll admit I had a hard time getting into the latest Neurosis album, but having it on vinyl makes it a bit easier to listen to, and I've found things I didn't hear before on it.

Enclosure in Flame

2008-02-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

9. Enclosure In Flame

Of time that we rode
Darkest vows seal my woe
I was seen in your head
The waste flew from
Our throats - desires
Fate is low - bleed
My eye - heal my stone
I will open a door
And bleed in your dreams
Silently praying for
Enclosure within the
Flame of origin

Sometimes I truly feel like I have problems expressing myself without accompaniment. Music is always the answer because it can be so expressive; every note, every crash, rise, fall, every beat or note can convey something completely different. Listen to this song.

No, I don't mean put it on and go do dishes, or flip through the TV or read a book. I mean listen to the song. Turn the lights off, close your eyes, turn it up and let it engulf you. Music is emotion, it is lifeblood. There is no hatred in this song, what it is, what this song is is the end-cap to the soundtrack to the apocalypse. Don't blind yourself and assume that it is full of hate or vengeance, there is so much more to it, layer upon layer. Through Silver in Blood is bar none my favorite album of all time.

I can't possibly begin to explain myself sometimes, and wish people would just listen to fucking Locust Star or Aeon and 'get it.' TSIB is a journey, and 'Enclosure in Flame' is realization, it is a solemn optimism as well as acceptance. It is the main themes from the album, only slowed down, fleshed out, revisited one last time before the last few notes of the guitar slow down, fade out and dissipate into nothing. It is power. It is understanding.

Whenever I hear this song, after the whole ride Neurosis takes you on, the only thing that I can think of is that no matter how brutal it is, no matter what dark places it takes you, it leaves you wherever you want to be, it lets you decide. Does the understanding tone seem foreboding to you? Does the slow, droning, sludgey tone scare you for what could possibly come next? Or do you hear what I hear? Do you hear emerging from a dark place, seeing the sun, not knowing what the fuck is next, but understanding that at this very moment you control it, no matter how scary that is.

I'm an addict.

Reflection.

2008-02-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

It was almost like you could feel him regaining consciousness, sense him feeling the warm trickle of blood drip down his face and into his eyes, stinging as it slides its way down. His leg is hurt, you can tell by the way he picks himself up, doing his best to not put much pressure on his left leg, grasping on his way up for anything to catch a hold of, but only finding dirt, rocks and rough, dying bushes around him for support, or lack thereof.

His face was rough, blood caked on, fresh blood trickling over it and his hair a mess, accenting the bags under his eyes. His face was warped and was, for the longest time my definition of violence. Maybe it wasn't the malice in his eyes, the open wounds or pouring blood as much as it was the indifference of the cars whizzing by him that struck me with fear. Regardless of the shape he was in, something was clearly horribly wrong. Something is horribly wrong.

Maybe it wasn't malice in his eyes and just pain, just that the blood, the bags and the pain all reflected that made that strong impression, but the reality and gravity associated with a man on the side of the road beaten and battered without anyone giving a second glance. Whatever it was, the malice was so real and was so thick that it was marring the air around me, each breath I was taking feeling like it was taxing my heart to its fullest. He staggered out into the road, a car putting on its turn signal and switching lanes seemlessly, to avoid both hitting him and engaging him, instead leaving him at the mercy of the next wave of cars, all doing the same, this time a different lane.

The median tripped him up, his body crashing like a wave, face first into the dirt -- narrowly missing a rock. Just when I felt that my breathing couldn't grow more erratic, the closer he gets the heavier the world feels on me. As he picks himself up again you can see the pained look and just how heavy this all is weighing upon him. I want to move back, to turn around and run away, but I'm frozen in place by the sight of him, and the world flying by like he isn't there.

His composure somewhat regained, he lurches forward, stumbling over a rock, but staying on his feet. It is at this point that his eyes raise and lock with mine. I'm locked into his trance now, not able to look away or as much as blink. An overwhelming sense of both fear and comfort has washed over me as step-by-step he comes closer and closer.

The injured left leg drags behind him slightly, the foot at an inhuman angle to match the vacant look in his eyes. Cars are whizzing by behind him still, but the road between him and me feels like an empty two-dimensional plane. His form just keeps growing and growing as he moves closer to me, there is no moving right or left, its just straight through to me.

I can smell the breath and the burnt, rotting flesh now; it is overwhelming at first, but I can't stand to cough, gasp or look away. He keeps sliding towards me, blood trickling down his face, seeping into the crevices on his face and highlighting his already-defined features. My heartbeat quickens and my breathing grows more and more erratic as he grows closer. My legs feel like they are just dead weight now, bolted into the sidewalk I stand on. I can't hear a thing outside of his heavy breathing, or the gurgling sound of the blood in his throat. He stops for a second to spit out some of the blood and wipe it from his face, leaving streaks across the side of his face and neck. He reaches out for me with his bloody hand, stumbling forward letting out a gasp as a car horn quickly fades in, is interrupted by a loud thud and a smash before it fades out, the man now laying on the ground not moving, his body pushed 10 feet back.

If he wasn't dead yet, he was now, but I'm not sure anybody but me knew he existed.

Romance in the key of Z

2008-02-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

"C'mon," Jeff pumps his fist into a downed man's face, the man tattered, torn, rotting. "One of you fuckers has to have a ring on you -- Pete!" He looks around, dropping the man, still convulsing, hissing and grabbing towards him, taking a hold of his foot. Jeff pulls only to see the man's mouth, bile dripping from it, coming towards his heel. "Oh, you fucker. No ring, but you sure can bite." In one swift motion he pulls out a handgun and unloads a bullet into the back of his head; twitching again, bile leaking out of his head and finally letting go. "Pete!"

"Shit.. Jeff... Jeff, I think that we have a problem," Pete calls over to him, hunched over next to a tree, a small pile of bodies surrounding him, and blood trickling from his right bicep. His breath is growing heavy as he tries to pull himself up using his gun as a can, only for Jeff to place his boot onto his chest, pushing him back against the tree, gun falling from his hand.

"You didn't get -- Jesus, Pete!" He points his gun at his arm, waving it around as a cigar hangs from his mouth. "You got fuckin' bitten! Reckless mo'fucker..."

"Don't get any ideas, man," Pete starts to hyperventilate, reaching for his gun. "It ain't like that, it ain't like THAT!"

"Did'ja get a ring?" He pushes his boot tighter against Pete's chest, as blood oozes from his arm, Pete's eyes beginning to look heavy, yellow beginning to appear around his eyes. Jeff leans in close, blowing a puff of smoke into his face, looking down at the bite, "because man, that bite don't look pretty."

"It ain't pretty man," he writhes in pain, his skin yellowing more and more, the life seemingly draining from him. "It ain't pretty at all, but I know how it..."

"Ring?" Jeff smiles, cigar in between his thumb and middle finger of his free hand, index finger tapping away the ash, it fluttering onto Pete's wound, ash melting away into the red-turning-black blood oozing out of him.

"Man, I got problems beyond that -- look at my fuckin' arm, man! Hey, hey, hey," he reaches his hand up and points behind Jeff as a snarl and a hiss comes from behind him, a hand reaching towards Jeff's shoulder, only for him to flick the cigar into Pete's lap, grab a hold of the hand and whip the whole body of another decaying, mangled person onto Pete, this time a woman. Jeff glares down at the hand to see a shiny diamond glaring back at him.

"Pete," Jeff pulls his gun out while still keeping his eyes locked onto the ring.

"Jeff git'em offa me! I'm already bit I don't need this..."

"We got ourselves a winner," he pulls the trigger, unloading a slug through the forehead of the woman, spraying ooze all over Pete. Jeff tugs at the arm, as it rips off, the body slumping over to reveal the bullet struck through Pete as well, motionless, decaying and covered in bile. Jeff pulls the ring off and tosses the arm aside. "This one sure is a winner," he inspects the ring closely and begins to head back as Pete's eyes dart open, he hisses and lunges for Jeff, who still staring at the ring lands a kick to the chest of Pete, whips his gun around and unloads two shots into his head, sending him slumping over.

"Fucker," Jeff mutters, eyes fixed on the ring. "Shoulda' known it wouldn't be long," he shakes his head and stuffs the ring into his vest pocket, heading back towards the high concrete walls in the clearing.

----

"Jeff," a flashlight pours over Jeff's body, him reaching his arm up to deflect the light, as the guard quickly swings open the iron gate. "Where is Pete? Did you guys get what you were looking for?"

"Stenches got'em," he mutters, reaching into his vest to pull out the shiny diamond ring, holding it up for the guard to see. "But got me a nice little present from a cocksuck'r," he pats the guard on the back, hard, then trots off as the guard closes the gate. "Oh yeah," he yells back, "somebody better go clean that mess up, must be about 12 of 'em out there."
"Oh man, oh man," the guard looks on. "Poor Pete, man... That old Pete, I mean wow..."

"Yeah, sure," Jeff waves his hand towards him.

"Well, Jeff... That Jodi sure is a lucky girl, eh?" He is shouting after Jeff now, but Jeff isn't listening. He slams the gate shut and locks it, staring back at Jeff, only to turn around to be face to face with another, well, zombie, growling at him and sending him onto his ass. The zombie reaching through the bars, trying to get through to no avail. The guard scrambles for his gun and unloads a clip into it, it finally falling over and hissing its last hiss, spraying its last bit of bile. "Shit! That was fuckin' close."

---

"Jo, hey Jo," Jeff calls as he slams open the heavy iron door to the brick-walled house. "Where are ya', babe?"

"Shit, Jeff," a small blonde girl runs out from the bathroom, white towel wrapped snugly around her. "Ya back already? Its only been -- shit, your a fuckin' mess," she looks him up, and holds her nose. "Ya fuckin' with them stenches again?"

"Yeah," he laughs as he slams the door, fastens the deadbolt and plops down in a recliner, pulling out a cigar and flipping open his cast-iron lighter. The flame dances in front of him as he takes a deep breath, cigar lighting and the flame coming to an abrupt halt as the lid slams shut. "What 'bout it?"

"You are gonna get yourself killed, ya' know that?" She sighs and storms into the bed room, the sound of her rummaging through the closet as he laughs to himself, pulling the ring out and staring at it through a haze of smoke.

"Me? Naah," he laughs smugly to himself.

"Yeah, right," she stomps through the hall back into the bathroom, glaring at him on the chair, her eye catching the glint from his hand. "You are gonna get yourself -- hey, hey Jeff," she moves in closer as he lets the ring drop into his palm, him clasping it shut.

"Hey, hey what?"

"What was that?" She tugs at his hand, him keeping it tightly clasped with a smile on his face.

"What was... What?" The smile on his rugged face is ear to ear now as she keeps pulling at his hand, now with both arms, her towel shifting a bit and Jeff staring down her towel. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You fucker!" She balls her fist up and pounds on his arm. "You know what I'm talking about, now let. it. go!" She grabs a hold of his arm and pulls with all of her weight, giggling as he struggles with her, him letting go, the ring spilling to the floor with her. She collects the towel and stands up, glancing down at the ground and dropping the towel, in shock. "Is that..."

"Something like that," Jeff leans back in the chair and grins, exhaling a ring of smoke.

"Oh Jeff," she leans over and picks up the ring, holding it up to the light, forgetting she ever had a towel. "This is beautiful, I mean, wow."

"Yeah, I fig'red you'd like that," he pulls himself out of the chair and she jumps into his arms.

"Oh Jeff," she holds him tight. "Does this mean?"

"Damn straight," he gives her a squeeze, then pulls her back, takes a long look at her slick, glimmering body and licks his lips. "Go finish washin' up," he smacks her on the ass, she yelps and jumps. "I'll be in soon."

"Oh, I will.. I'll be waiting," She darts off for the bathroom again, as he calls behind her.

"Oh, and, uh," he runs his fingers through his hair. "If I were you I'd just give that a quick washin' to be sure there ain't nothing on it."

Who are they? Are they a threat to our beliefs?

2008-02-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

I realized a while ago that posting nothing but opinions can be difficult for me to keep up on. I write MMA shit now when I have time, at Total-MMA.com where some awesome dudes talk about the art of cramming your fist into some dude's face, or throwing him by his clothes.

For now, this is my dumping ground.

--
Rivers

Walls of perception melt into time,
Waves crash and fall -- evening out.
The horizon blurs over, confusing my senses.

The vanishing point is completely gone;
Like it was nothing but an afterthought.

I should be fooled so easily --
Comfort comes at a severe price.
It can't hold you forever,
And in time will turn and bite.

The venom depends on the level of trust,
the amount of doors left open in plain view.
Being vulnerable is proportionate to being alive.
Being alive is bleeding rivers.

When the river stops flowing, the world stops turning.

-----

Ideas

My ideas are my demons,
I only write to draw them out,
To clear myself of them.
After they've left
I could care less where they go,
What they do or who they touch.
They aren't my demons anymore.

Its your choice what to make of them.

The Music Industry -- Hey Pig, Yeah You.

2007-11-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

The music industry is dying. I know most of the people I know won't give a fuck about this, but the death of the site OiNk earlier this week is such a huge fucking deal. Remember when Napster got shut down how big of a deal that was? This is a bigger deal, not because this was as popular/famous, because honestly it isn't.

The only way to explain OiNk is as follows; imagine having access to every album, single, EP and everything else music related available to you. Imagine it in high quality, with the option to get lossless FLAC files or 320kbps mp3s, usually with the album artwork included and imagine being able to get it within 5 minutes, tops. That was OiNk. People have been telling me that its not so bad, that SoulSeek still exists, that there are other torrent sites. Well yeah, there are other torrent sites, and there is still the outdated P2P programs. But the fact is, they aren't regulated. If, and rarely if I find something I want on SoulSeek, its going to take at least an hour to get, and most of the time if you try to grab more than one album from a person, they'll be a prick and cancel your downloads. P2P is outdated because you have to interact with a person and hope to holy fuck their connection holds out, or that they don't feel like signing off.

Other torrent sites are alright, but when it comes down to it, it won't have enough seeders and will take a while to download, the quality is going to be a crapshoot, you'll most likely end up with a compressed 128kbps mp3, and you are really going to have to look for it. The other day Candlebox popped into my head. I haven't heard them in ages, and thought 'Fuck, I wanna listen to that album.. Too bad I left it back in RI.' So, logically I think, I'll just grab it really quick on the net. Christ, easier said than done. After about 30 minutes of searching and attempting to download a few torrents, it was just taking too long, why am I waiting 30 minutes for a 50 mb download? If OiNk were still around I'd type in Candlebox, click a few links and I'd fucking HAVE IT.

This was baffling to me, a person who had been using OiNk for a while. Candlebox isn't even an obscure band. Its a band that was popular in the 90's and can still be heard on the radio today once in a while. I'm stuck right now, as I heard a few tracks from this band Byla, and they are just incredible, incredible, and I want to hear more. But I'll be fucking damned if I can find the album I want from them anywhere. Part of the fun was finding new bands that other people that liked bands that I like would link a band to on OiNk. I wouldn't be obsessing over Wolves in the Throne Room if whilst downloading a Cobalt album that I was drooling over, a user didn't link them to WITTR. I don't read music news sites constantly, and I wouldn't have known that Jesu had a new EP and a new album already, I wouldn't be listening to them right now.

The only way I can explain this loss is that I lost an awesome community of music lovers which had its own set of rules that seemed strict, but it was all for the good of everybody else. It seemed like a bitch to have to keep your ratio up in the beginning, and then the more you get, the more you understand that you keep shit open so people can get stuff quickly and easily just like you like to. It seemed like a bitch to want to upload something but the quality wasn't up to par, but then you realize that you wouldn't want to be downloading a low quality version. You wouldn't want to be fucking Radiohead and 'suggesting' people get a really shitty quality version of something and be happy with it. Hell, any of the pay-per-song services fucking suck. The quality is not there, the selection is dull and ITS EXPENSIVE.

CDs don't make sense anymore. Right now I have like 7 CDs in my apartment that aren't blanks/burned copies. I just have no use for them. Most of the music I listen to is on my mp3 player or on my computer. I have a nice set of speakers now for it, which helps, and it serves as my hub for all things music. I stopped buying CDs because all I was doing was buying them just so I could put the CD into my computer and rip it to a 320kbps mp3 to put on my mp3 player and listen to whenever I want. I've bought CDs and merch from smaller labels and directly from bands, but other than that, I've felt such little need to go to Best Buy and pay fucking 19 dollars for a CD that I'm going to end up leaving out, getting scratched, busting the shitty jewel case for and eventually losing.

Labels need to understand that the traditional methods of marketing are completely dead. Music Television had to in a major way repackage itself; MTV started airing reality shows and shows aimed for their usual intended audience anyway who just aren't interested in straight up music videos anymore, MTV2, the 'pure music' station had to do the same. VH1 went the same route as well. Who the fuck listens to the radio anymore? The radio is just decrepit and retarded. Nobody is going to sit by the radio for hours waiting to hear a new song, nobody cares about your DJ and their witty banter or your small corporate playlists. Clearly people want more than this. Radio is what THEY want you to listen to, what THEY think you should like. Pop music sells to kids because kids don't know any fucking better and will have their parents buy them stuff. If I want to hear a new song from a band, I have options. I can go to their myspace page and 98% of the time, their latest track/single/whatever will be up. If I dig that, I'm going to download it. Why should I waste my time being inundated with advertisements and crap I don't want to watch/hear, when I can just go right to the source and get instant gratification?

Music has always been about sharing, and somewhere along the line sharing became a filthy, illegal thing. Somewhere along the line the consumer evolved and the supplier rejected this notion and decided they were right and everybody else was wrong. Now its out of control, and its hilarious.

Radio, the Music Video and CDs are all defunct. Its time for music to move on and mean it. No more of this Radiohead marketing ploy shit, no more of this 99 cent download, DRM shit.

Further reading:

Death of OiNk -- Great Read

The Revolution

Radiohead insults its fans

Trent Reznor, OiNker

Cobalt -- Eater of Birds

2007-09-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

Fuck yes.

Sometimes I get bored with metal music as a whole. I just can't get into it, it just doesn't engage me. Lately I've gone through a major postrock/postmetal phase where I just listen to lots of stuff that is ambient and has tons of atmosphere. The only real 'heavy' stuff I've been lapsing into has been Pig Destroyer for my ADD 'I NEED SOMETHING HEAVY AND I NEED IT NOW' fixes while at work.

Funny enough, I found out about Cobalt by seeing "Invincible Sun" on Paper Thin Walls. PTW is a site that is either really hit or miss with the singles they post, but for some reason on this day I pulled the plug from my mp3 player and plugged it back into my PC. I was kinda bored with everything I had and needed something new. I listened to a bunch of indie stuff, some good, some shitty, some just there, when I decided to take a crack at something metal.

This seemed like a way too obviously choice, as it looks like its Jarboe's latest "I feel like doing vocals with some metal band" project. I've always had a soft spot for the Swans, and of course Jarboe's album she did with Neurosis will always be near and dear to my heart. Needless to say, this is leaps and bounds different than what she did with Neurosis, she only appears on a few tracks, and her voice can barely be heard through the screaming guitars, pounding drums and crazy vocals.

Black Metal can wear thin on me I find, and I don't even know if its fair to call this straight up black metal. The album starts off pounding the shit out of the listener with "When Serpents Return" and "Ulcer" but then brings it down to a really mellow 5 minutes with "Ritual Use of Fire." This mellow doesn't last long, as it bleeds right into the next two tracks. "Ritual Use of Fire" is a title used for 3 tracks, creating a leitmotif of epic proportions.

Jarboe's most distinct track on this album is "Androids, Automatons and Nihilists" which only lasts briefly, but is just about as perfect of a 4-minute segue as you are going to get. The album rounds out with a 10+ minute epic title-track, which shows just how much potential to kick ass this band has. I know I'm being rather brief, but I'm just trying to collect my thoughts quickly on this album. I'm sure I'll be able to add to this later on, but for now I want to give this a few more listens.

You should too.

A Wednesday Night Playlist.

2007-07-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Right now I feel like I'm trifling through my own little addictions. It is really a curious thing to live like this, and in a way rather sad. So here is an exercise. I just made a playlist, and here I will write about said playlist.

Guns N' Roses - Dust N' Bones
Joy Division - Day of the Lords
Travis Meeks - Empty Pocket
Ghost - Snuffbox Immenence
Muse - Knights of Cydonia
Steve Von Till - Running Dry
Alice In Chains - Right Turn
Isis - Weight
SunnO))) & Boris - The Sinking Belle

(Tracks will be furnished upon request)

Guns N' Roses is a band that a lot of people have attributed to the duo of Slash and Axl. The reality behind the situation was that they were the public faces that everybody knew and thought were really cool. While apart, Axl has done better than Slash (just an opinion, Velvet Revolver sucks), but both have just kind of floundered. Slash's solo stuff with Snakepit was just disgraceful, and Axl's stuff sounds pretty cool, but its all either live recordings from cell phones or leaks on the internet of demos from baseball players. Then again, Axl has pretty much had the past 15 years to make these songs not suck. What the driving force was behind Guns N' Roses was Izzy. Songs like this are just so great, and neither Slash nor Axl can come close to duplicating a straight up rock n' roll song like this. Axl is too busy trying to create epics with samples, and Slash is too busy trying to stay hip and relevant.

This song always provided such an amazing texture, and was a great song to have placed near the beginning of this album (UYI I). If anything, this was one of the main contributors to the overwhelming tone set for this first album; while UYI II had more of a 'cool' and vast feeling like an ocean (set by Estranged, much, much later), this album had this warm, blistering desert feeling to it. Awesome. I don't think either Slash or Axl have the ability to create a musical texture like Izzy has done on his own and did here.

I'm in no way an expert on Joy Division, and honestly I don't listen to them that much. That being said, I could listen to this song over and over again without getting sick of it. In part, what makes this work so well is the production of this track. It is difficult not to get the feeling of doom from this track when it sounds like it was recorded in a basement while the apocalypse plays out on the streets, only getting a peak from the basement window.

I've already written about Travis Meeks, but this track is in no way the cleanest or best track. Actually, this was the only track that got left off of his 'live bootleg' that he shills on his website and myspace page. I can understand why, as it really feels like a work in progress and still has a few quirks. It in no way is up to snuff for guitar work when compared to a lot of his songs. But I don't know if he has done anything this honest or compelling in a long time. The lyrics are at times awkward, but the intentions are always clear. It moves from regret and confusion to him just tearing himself apart.

"Why don't you give it up?
Let the love -- let the love lift you.
You've got to answer for every mistake--
every mistake.
Money won't buy you what you don't have
But you wanted to use my heart as a stone
Step down an' go back home.
Go back home.
I'm hurtin' inside --
But you like to pay to watch me die.

So don't fill me in on your secrets, no.
Cause I'm doing fine with my own.
I've got an empty pocket, so go back home.
Go back home."

There is something about a dude baring his soul that will never grow old to me. The delivery of most of this song is just vicious in nature. It isn't a heavy or complicated song, but his conviction to every word can turn anybody into a believer that he means everything he is saying. One of the cool points is his guitar-work is Kazuki Tomokawa-like at times in his delivery and complete abandon. He really doesn't give a fuck if that note doesn't ring through, the muffled, flat note says more than a clean one would have anyway.

My mind sort of melts and meanders here. I've found the best way to unwind is to just listen to something that can serve as a background, or easily take you on a trip. Ghost is a band that caught my ear when their album, 'Hypnotic Underworld' came out. It was beautiful, fun, energizing and really delicate all at the same time. Exploring deeper into their library is by no means a bad idea. The album which this is the title track for is if possible more of a traditional album than the latter, without starting off with one giant jam track. They still jam, there is still the same soft vocals and twangy guitar that can in an instant turn into a menacingly hazy drill. The title track does not in any way disappoint, as it has everything Ghost is good at; Jamming, switching between soft and gentle to crazy and everything in between.

I didn't even know Muse had an album that came out last year. Hell, I didn't even get into Muse until I saw the trailer for 28 Weeks Later. I thought 'shit, this sounds like Radiohead with balls.' Now I can't go a few days without putting on some Muse. That speaks volumes for them, I think. This song will go back to my previous point about texture. This song has texture and a really awesome atmosphere to it. What is even more shocking is that the video for it fits so extremely well into the mood and atmosphere that this song creates. This song sums up some neuvo-pulp western to a T. That being said, it could also be seen as almost a Queenish tribute, as the vocals are just fantastic and infectious. The amount of times I've had this on at work and felt the need to sing along with it is rather embarrassing. Music can totally be fun, and should really be fun and make you want to just sing along and get caught up in the moment with it.

"You and I must fight to survive."

Neurosis is a band that will always be near and dear to me, but it is a band that more or less has branded themselves on destruction and subtlety. That is why Steve Von Till's solo stuff is so refreshing. Neurosis are the kings of making music that takes you somewhere. Every album has its own distinct feeling to it, and is something that no other band is able to recreate. I remember when one of my friends hipped me to them. It was under the pretense of; "You like Tool, right? You should like Neurosis. Neurosis is Tool if Tool did Tool right."

Von Till's solo album(s) will take you somewhere. Unlike most Neurosis albums, Von Till's albums are just so basic and vulnerable. I can't think of a more vulnerable track than 'Running Dry.' Whenever I hear this, I want to be sitting out in the woods with an acoustic strumming away about how sorry I am that I can't relate to the world anymore.

Man, I just fucking like Alice In Chains. Leave it at that.

'Oceanic' is seen by many as ISIS' crowning achievement. I think they have done a great job of living up to that album, but Panopticon didn't have the same sort of unity that this album did. The latest one did, but that is another story for another day. Oceanic creates a clear and easy picture, and Isis does a fantastic job of making an album that is as serene and vengeful as an ocean. 'Weight' goes through many transformations, and in doing so creates the same sort of awe and respect that an ocean should yield.

I feel like the last month is sort of defined by 'The Sinking Belle' by SunnO))) and Boris. Somber, slow and restrained. There is just something so surreal about SunnO)))'s music that is hard to explain. I can listen to SunnO))) while at work, while unwinding or deep in thought. It is always inspiring and always makes me want to just start slamming my fist onto my guitar and let the sustain do the rest.

This song is really not like any other SunnO))), which is what I think really draws me to it. It is out of the ordinary for them, yet it is completely something they would do. Even the apocalypse needs to have an eye to the storm. That is what this is; the eye of the storm. It is the calm, eerie in between point that lets you rest and urges you to push forward. If you give up now, you've only gotten part of the way there.

That is the kind of song I need right now, and completely where I am.

Junkhead Meeks

2007-05-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it can be so frustrating being a fan of certain bands of musicians. Since the first Days of the New album came out, I've been a fan. I first saw Travis Meeks in '98 when Days was opening for Metallica and Jerry Cantrell. What was really astonishing about that show was that both opening acts blew away Metallica by a mile. Metallica put on the same show that you could see on their home videos, live CDs or any other performance you've seen of them. While to some people that is great, there was a whole lot of nothing going on when Metallica was performing. When Days was performing there was energy, there was emotion, and it helped to win over an ambivalently drunk, middle-aged crowd (which is 90% of Metallica fans now, and has been for years).

What is hard to understand is where Days went wrong. A lot of people just didn't give them the time of day and wrote them off as grunge hangers-on because their radio songs were somewhat grungey. Whats funny is, when you move past "Touch, Peel and Stand," "Shelf in the Room" and "Down Town" you get a lot of really different music. The guitar-work demonstrated by Meeks throughout the album is just completely masterful, complex and incredible, but a lot of people wrote the guitar work off as the work of Todd Whitener. Because honestly, when the lead singer is playing guitar and there is another guitar player, the non-singer is always considered the lead guitar player. Meeks was easily the driving guitar force behind the band, but that won't be seen until much later.

When it came time to record the second album, it became increasingly clear the rest of the band just wanted to make the same album again, make more money, play arenas and that evolving musically wasn't an issue. Travis wanted to evolve and wanted the music to be different, more mature. This caused a huge rift between the band, and by the end of the Metallica tour Travis was traveling in his own bus recording his own music while the rest of the band was bitter and acting like Travis was taking over the band and destroying their 'vision.' Granted, he wrote almost the entirety of the first album on his own and all, then when the band got kicked out and formed Tantric they essentially released the same old shit, little bit more distortion, hell, they even got a singer that sounded a lot like Travis. Of course they got a little bit of chart success, but were critically a joke and its 2007 and I have no clue if they are even still a band, nor would I care.

Meeks went on to make 'Green' which in my eyes at least was his best effort and most complete album. 'Enemy' got a bit of chart success and people liked it to a degree, but it still really didn't sell albums. People thought he went in a more electronic direction now due to some samples and the electronic drum kit used for the track. Once again, just like on the first album, the single misled to the content of the album. Now, my love for concept albums might blind me to this, but I love the idea of an album with a beginning, middle, end and a fucking point as well as common themes musically and lyrically. 'Green' is an album about evolving as a person and the hardships along the way. From distrust, insanity, longing and love it is all there, 'Last One' alluding to moving on, changing colors, which segues into 'Red.' 'Red' wasn't exactly the best thing to ever happen to Meeks. Meeks had begun to dabble with meth, and his music became more muddled, he was using more distorted electric guitars and the great guitar work he was known for seemed to dwindle on some tracks, while on others it was astonishing.

Then nothing. Addiction. The next few things heard of Meeks was that he was working on 'Purple,' hell, that it was done. Then he lost his label, and reports of what was going on with him were few and fare between -- until he showed up on the A&E show 'Intervention' in a horrible state. He was living in his mother's basement, a junkie, driving around a beaten up van to score meth and keep rotting away. His wife refused to be near him, and things just looked horrible for him. But the show led to his rehab and apparently he is finally starting to pull things together.

Supposedly he is recording 'Purple' right now and looking around for record labels, and I was thrilled when some videos from a concert last week popped up on YouTube and that he looks to be as awesome as ever.

http://www.myspace.com/treecolors

Wes Sims is awesome.

2007-05-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Most MMA n00z is kind of boring, kind of about lots of financial stuff, or the yakuza. Once in a while, the gods of MMA will bestow upon us Wes Sims, the Human Genome Project himself, and something completely inane. I bring forth, from MMA on Tap, Wes Sims, Vigalante.

--

“Thursday night I was laying in bed and I heard some banging so I went outside and took a look but I didn’t see anything so I went back in and I thought it might just be the neighbours, domestic issues. But the people who live next door, they lay flooring so they have a couple of trucks they keep out by the road that are full of tools so I thought, “hey, someone might be breaking into their truck.” but that wasn’t the case.

So I went back in and layed down and I heard a big bang and glass break so I went out, looked out across the road and guys were down at the gas station breaking in. They were gonna rob the place until their plans were foiled by Wes Sims that is.

I called the police and told the police that there was some guys breaking in and they told me they had already received a call and they were on their way. I told the dispatch that these guys were on their way out of there so you know I don’t know what posessed me to take off but I hung my phone up and took off running after them.

I chased them down an alley and all of a sudden cops started coming up the alleys and they were all everywhere. I ran one guy down, caught one of them and the cop came running up to cuff him and well when the cop went to cuff him the guy was fighting and the cop said if he didn’t calm down he was going to mace him. Well Wes Sims wanted to see a good macing so he said, “Mace him! Mace him!” which turned out to be bad for all of us because I got mace, the guy got maced and the wind blew it back into the cops face too.

The guy took off running and had glasses on and the cop started chasing him but I had to clean my eyes out for a minute there because that was some nasty, nasty stuff. I saw the cop was chasing him so I took off running and was chasing behind then the officer had to stop because the mace was in his eyes real bad so the guy jumps over a fence and was running. He had nothing but socks and boxers on at this point because I had ripped his clothes off. I chased him down, got him in the dirt, slammed him off a fence, needless to say I’m not going to go into detail but let’s just say when the cops came up to cuff him, he needed service, not Wes Sims.”

--

Speechless

Media and Teaching.. I have no clue how they relate.

2007-04-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

Oh, the media, how I loathe you. I'm drained, that is simply it. I am drained. I feel like I should keep dilligent and write my little heart away, but the media is just so draining. By now we've gotten to the point where we can turn on one of the seemingly ever-multiplying cable news networks and not see VT's Cho mugging with his pistols pointed at the screen, or when I can read the news online without having to worry about reading more analysis of said killer, or how he planned this, how it should have been prevented and who is holding a candlelight vigil while CNN cameras slink around in the underbrush trying to capture the right amount of tears that make for great television.

It is just so draining that this stuff won't go away, and that the media creates its own icons. Cho knew he'd go down in history for doing this, and knew he'd prolong his importance by reaching out to the media, and they bit. They always do. I get this way when it comes to politics too. I feel so strongly about them, and then just sort of pitter out after getting bombarded with it. I haven't read the news in about a week now, and the thing is -- I care.

But people are just stone cold stupid. iPods should be banned from the class rooms because they can be a tool for cheating. WOW. Welcome to the 21st century. Did you know just about any cell phone, media player, or even, get this, calculator can be used for cheating? Maybe, just maybe this is just a telling sign that conventional teaching methods are dated. Quizzes and tests will always be cheated on. You know why? Students don't find them important as a part of their growing process.

Its an antiquated way of teaching most things, and outside of say math and science I can't really see the need for constant quizzing and testing. If a student learns better that way, they should have that option, but most of the time... Yeah. If a student feels the need to go to elaborate lengths to cheat, maybe said method of teaching is just not working.

People suck.

2007-04-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

People are so completely dense, it isn't even funny. Having read the plays by Cho Seung-Hui, I can say that I was not disturbed in the very least by them. I remember when Columbine happened however many years ago, Harris's aol website was still up, and it contained some maps for the PC game Doom. Upon loading them, it became clear they were of a school. This was disturbing, and the message it gave was clear. On the other hand, Cho's plays were not disturbing or any signs of what was to come.

When I popped the first play open, I was honestly expecting to feel that cold, dark feeling inside like when I saw that Doom map from Harris. Nada, nothing. It wasn't there. There was no cold feeling, instead what I was reading was obviously over-sensationalized stuff that people were going to exploit and try to use to come up with a reason for why 32 people had to die at Cho's hand the other day. I think that is the problem; that people are looking for answers so hard, so intently that they are doing it in the most maddening ways possible.

I sat through many a writing class in college, and honestly, the amount of violent, sexual and disturbing pieces that teachers see is mind-numbing. Do you know why? Death, sexuality and frustration are things that cross the mind of every person at some point in their life. You don't have to embody what you write; writing is expressing one's self, and using their creative mind to do so. I've written a lot of things that would apparently set off "red flags" to many people that I'm going to shoot the world up and am in need of some serious mental coaching.

The reality is, writing, especially fictional writing cannot be used to profile a person or their intentions. Some truly happy, kind people I've known have written some macabre things. You know why? It was interesting, fascinating and it was a way to express their creativity. You don't have to be frustrated with the world, ready to weild two pistols and shoot everybody in sight to write about it -- you can be a normal guy, living a healthy, happy life.

If anything, Cho's plays read like parodies of the world around him than they do insight into the mind of a killer. The commentary by those who are reading this seem to be the real insight into the mind of the killer. It just seems that society has such a hard time, as well as a fixation with assigning blame everywhere possible. First thing we heard was an outcry about gun laws, which is true in some cases, and in others not. The kid apparently did this all the law-abiding way to obtain these guns. While stricter laws could put a cap on violent incidents involving guns, if people really wanted them, they'd be able to obtain them (much like drugs), or they'd just find another way to hurt people. Now we are getting bombarded with the school and its responsibilities.

Teachers, counselors, other students and everybody else, including the lunch lady should have been on top of this situation. A teacher, teaching a writing class, who has seen tons of student work, some of which was probably rather disturbing or expressed frustration is supposed to say 'hey, this kid is going to go postal' and prevent all of this. It seems that this kid WAS seeing a counselor on the recommendation of a teacher, and it still didn't change a thing towards the positive. I'm sure the parents will be next, along with somebody else, as somebody has to be at fault for this, so some sort of meaningless action can take place so that the next time this happens, we can say 'Oh, well, it wasn't due to THAT. We had THAT covered.'

It is really endearing to read something from a classmate that thought Cho was going to be a school shooter, but when you paint the picture of reality, I have a hard time seeing a group of students in the classroom huddled around in fear of some meager asian boy who doesn't like to speak much. I mean, fuck.. When I read these plays, I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed, as they were just so ridiculously bad, that I'm hoping they were intended as parodies or comedy. But they probably weren't, and the true picture in the classroom probably involved more people laughing and joking about these plays than fearing for their lives over them. I'm not saying this is the exact scene, but it seems more than likely that was the case throughout this kid's life.

But what really gets me are the hordes of people talking about how sick and disgusting the stuff that kid wrote, and how it was a dead giveaway that he was a killer. You know, I wonder.. When you profile somebody, and set a norm for what a person should be, and it comes to be, is it your fault for making that profile?

Muse on "Live Earth" concert; hypocritical

2007-04-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

I have no clue who the band Muse is, but after reading this article today I can say I respect the hell out of them. While tons of criticism has already been launched at Al Gore's mega not-exactly-Live-8 concert to span 7 continents with 12 billion bands, there has been very little from bands. The concept of the concert itself is good in theory, but then ridiculous when you think of all that goes into putting on such a huge concert like this.

As Muse frontman Matt Bellamy talked about, you are inviting bands that are in and of themselves quite wasteful, with Bellamy specifically bringing up the "rock star jets" that bands have, and will most likely use to get to said gig. Concert organizers have been fighting off criticism by making these shows as "earth friendly" as they can. As seen in this article, John Picard, the environmental consultant for Live Earth says that they are taking every measure possible to ensure the 'greenness' of these shows. Specifically stated are that;

• Electricity to power the shows will be taken from renewable sources.
•Food and drink stands will use biodegradable containers.
•Rubbish will be sorted for recycling at the venues.
•Offices and walkways will be fitted with low-energy light bulbs.
•Air travel taken by event staff and musicians will be offset through carbon credits.
•Hybrid or clean fuel cars will be used where possible.
•Hotels will be told to fit low-energy light bulbs, use non-toxic cleaning products and put recycling containers in rooms.

That being said, the concept is still ridiculous and even with these provisions in place will be utterly wasteful in nature. It seems to be a huge trend for celebrities to talk big about saving the world, while they waste tons upon tons of money on the frivolous or wasteful (Angelina and Brad's new super-boat, Bono's existence involving private jets, islands, game developers). This whole issue of the bands and their transportation, as well as personal 'waste habits' seem to be the most wildly overlooked issue involved in this show, and no amount of on-site preparations can make up for the fact that these bands will need a way to get to this show other than steamboat, mules or piggy-back. Even if a band wanted to do this environmentally 'soundly,' who would pay for the band to get there in some expensive, alternatively fueled vehicle? Will Al Gore? Nah, his giant, energy-wasting home takes up his funds, while his disposable income is used to invent the internet and discover global warming.

BoDog Fight: Did Calvin Ayre Make a Huge Mistake?

2007-04-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

Calvin Ayre is a name that over the past few years has become more and more public; first for his online gambling site, BoDog.com, and now for his recent foray into the arena of Mixed Martial Arts. I'll put this lightly; I love Mixed Martial Arts. When I moved, I left behind boxes of DVDs, tapes, magazines and posters dedicated to MMA, kickboxing and shoot-wrestling at home, only taking with me a few unwatched Shooto, K-1 and Pancrase DVDs with me.

Since moving, finishing college and getting my feet wet in the silly business world it has become more and more trying to keep up with the world of MMA. Never mind that changing time zones has really messed me up. I have to catch most stuff on replay due to it airing while I'm at work or just enjoying time with my girlfriend, friends, etc. That being said, I still make an effort to find most MMA stuff. The problem comes when an upstart company starts putting on shows, with little name value involved, and when the content isn't easily available.

This not only means IFL to me, but specifically BoDog. By now I've caught IFL a few times, know the names involved and have a passing interest in it. Once in a while I'll catch a fight that happened in IFL, but when it comes to BoDog -- I HAVE NO CLUE. I couldn't name you one name of a fighter involved with BoDog, couldn't tell you what their show is about, and until I started writing this couldn't tell you when their big PPV was (Sat, BTW). Their television show airs on ION, which I don't get out here, or on the internet. I strongly dislike the internet show thing, as the quality is usually kind of poor or choppy, plus sitting down and watching a small, windowed program is just annoying. I'm sure there is a full screen option, and because ION is such a small network that the streams are of decent quality, but it is hard to get the initiative to just sit down and watch something new like this.

Since we are being inundated with MMA now; UFC is doing WM-like numbers for regular PPVs, PRIDE is a common name in the US, etc, etc, there is just so much MMA content, discussion and so on that I know a lot of people like me who get stuck in their ways and stick to what they know. I'll follow UFC, PRIDE, Shooto, K-1 (including K-1 MAX and HEROS) and maybe a ZST show here and there, but tend to shy away from anything else. I mean, UFC has stuff on free TV almost all the time now, and has monthly PPVs, it is difficult to have a huge appetite for MMA right now. I'm not saying its the same for everybody, but I think as someone who has been watching MMA since the early 90's that I'm not a part of this rabid hunger for more MMA like a lot of newer fans might be.

So is Calvin Ayre a fool for starting BoDog in an already saturated market where UFC is completely monopolizing the fight game? Up until now I'd say yes, and until we see the affects of this BoDog Fight PPV, I'll continue to say so. UFC has branded MMA into 'Ultimate Fighting' in a very Vince McMahon-like term that casual fans know, much like 'Sports Entertainment' for his brand of pro-wrestling. Your casual fan won't know the name MMA, but will know the name 'Ultimate Fighting,' as well as you'll see gyms springing up with 'Ultimate Fighting' classes. In this market right now it seems everybody is trying to jump onto the MMA bandwagon, but just don't have the means to do so. UFC is barely getting on ESPN right now, and this early into the craze, starting a new company seems foolish. Its a good idea to beat the rest to the punch, but to survive the early woes might be difficult.

The step in the right direction was the huge steal of Fedor Emelianenko from PRIDE FC. Fedor, still PRIDE's Heavyweight Champion, will fight Matt "The Law" Lindland on Saturday night, in what most fans will see as an easy fight for Fedor and a huge test for the former Olympian Lindland. Regardless, that and the rest of the announced card (Aleks E. vs Eric Pele, Eddie Alvarez vs Nick Thompson) are decent, if not sort of 'blah' additions to a strong main event, but enough to catch the attention of the hardcore fan who hasn't already checked out BoDog Fight. I know it has caught my attention, and maybe in the future BoDog will do more to catch the eye of fans, but until then its a wait and see kind of thing.

Imus -- WHO FUCKING CARES?! Obama does

2007-04-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

NAPPY-HAIRED HOS. Seriously, shut the fuck up. The fact that people are up-in-arms over Don Imus, an aging, politically-retarded old guy in a cowboy hat is amazing. The thing is, most people aren't even listening to the Imus in the Morning show, never mind enough to make him get CNN headlines for the entire week. Apparently he doesn't understand what kind of jokes he can and can't make, we get it. He is a public figure who has a good deal of money and a nationally syndicated television (well, did) and radio show (well, once again, did).

While I don't agree with what he said, or how ridiculous he has been in trying to defend himself, it is painfully obvious that people are making a huge deal over this just to get themselves publicity. Think of the names you are hearing about involved in this; Al Sharpton, Barrack Obama, and so on and so on. We are getting a lot of public, Democratic figures making a giant stink about this, and in Obama's case, he is going to be running for President. What better way to cement what already was a strong support with African-Americans and anybody who feels like an outsider, than to rally against a public figure and his idiocy? This carefully chosen, as well. What good would rallying against Kramer do? Richardson is a dude that nobody gives a fuck about anymore.

Don Imus was at least a public figure with some street cred, and people will take Barrack Obama's opinions on this issue quite seriously. I mean fuck, they think he has the answers to the Iraq war, he might as well be able to whine in public about some philanthropic hick calling a college girls' basketball team a bunch of 'nappy haired hos.' People are just ridiculous.

I'm just laughing at the fact that Don Imus, one of the more boring radio show hosts in recent history gets booted from the radio, while an actual 'Shock Jock' (seriously, people consider this guy a shock jock) like Howard Stern can be on public radio for years, and then get a huge cash-money contract from a satellite radio provider, as well as given his own series of stations and allowed to do whatever the hell he damn well pleases.

This is just a strange time for public, boring figures. First Dan Rather and now Don Imus. Whats next? Rush Limbaugh?!

Trapped in a Cube

2007-04-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

I often-times wonder about society, and sometimes out loud. Sometimes I think of where I am and how that compares with society. No matter how hard, it seems near impossible to escape societal constraints, and just as hard to operate within them. As I sit at my new desk job, I think of how odd the whole thing is. I spend 8 hours a day sitting in front of a computer, and it is nowhere near as monotonous as the concept sounds.

I've always heard of the horror of desk jobs, and how they will numb your mind and break your spirits. But so far (granted, its only been a month), it isn't painful -- hell, its my lunch break and I'm inside, on my computer, in my cube due to inclimant weather. Shouldn't this be considered a problem? I'm 24 right now, and if anything I am proof that people my age have been slowly programmed to perform under the constraints of a desk job in front of a computer for 9 hours a day.

We, the young people of the world have been bred to someday move on and work, comfortably, in these conditions. It astounds me, honestly, just how simple it was to make this transition. It also frightens me to think of what the future is going to hold for society. If me at the age of 24 is completely comfortable at a desk for this many hours, staring at a bright LCD screen, with a very small amount of time to adjust -- what does that say for the future?

The Jetsons, of all things, has proven to be a spot-on critique (and warning) of society and where it is headed. I have a few more than 1 button on my desk (94 to be exact), but my job only requires a small portion of what I'm capable of, mentally. This doesn't even bother me that much, as I'm used to a lot worse when it comes to mental stimulation from a job. But the image of George Jetson in his swiveling chair pushing a few buttons every once in a while is rather haunting, because its reality now. It seemed like an absurd concept when the Jetsons was airing, and now it seems like if it already isn't now, it will be our reality in a short amount of time.

Grindhouse.

2007-04-08T12:42:00.001-07:00

So on friday I went with Rachel, Santi and Steve to go see Grindhouse. Lots upon lots of people were anticipating the arrival of the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino double feature in the vein of old drive-in double features of B-movies. Essentially this was supposed to set a mood and pull you in for the 3 and a half hours of playtime and create a rather unique theater-going experience. With its own set of coming attractions to open it (Machete! Soon to be a direct-to-video feature) and to line the intermission it really felt like its own awesome entity, like you were taken into an undisclosed point in time, in your own little contained world within the theater.

That is really something that is a great idea and we need more of now. Now, if you afraid of anything being 'spoiled' for you, don't read further. Go see this, though.

One of the issues I had with 'Grindhouse' was that neither director I'm really big on anymore. Rodriguez really turned me off with 'Sin City' as many people know. Some of his past movies I've really loved, but I feared he had 'grown into' just being that stylized director with the flash-and-style-over-substance approaches to film-making. Sin City, in my opinion, was trash. There was nothing to it, and it just sucked. Then again, I don't like Frank Miller, I don't like comic book films, and like movies with substance. There is nothing wrong with a simply 'fun' movie, but it needs to be fun, and not trying to be something its not. 300 can go suck a dick, BTW.

Planet Terror was amazing. Planet Terror was a post-modern zombie film to the nth degree. It was campy, dark, stylized, funny, well-acted, well-written and full of everything a zombie film should be. Rodriguez didn't take the film too seriously, but all the same took it very seriously. The 'Machete' trailer sets a really great pace and sets the visual style for the rest of the feature. Planet Terror is visually stunning throughout, using what looked like either old film or lots of filters on the film to make it look like a 'polished' b-movie. Some scenes are almost unwatchable due to the film 'melting' or being so full of scratches, and it just adds to the whole feel of it. At one point, when we were set for the streamy/awkwardly (yet perfectly) placed sex scene, the film melts and 'breaks' away, leaving up a 'missing reel' apology from 'the management.' It was worth a few laughs, and proved to be an awesome segue to the next portion of the film.

The casting was just spot on, as every character felt like they should have; Naveen Andrews (of Lost fame) was a very pleasant surprise as the Middle-Eastern biochemist/terrorist, Bruce Willis was amazing as the mutant/soldier baddy and Rose McGowan was just perfect. The rest of the cast was great as well. The only issue I had was QT being one of the main mutated soldiers, simply credited as 'The Rapist.' QT is not a good actor, hell, he is barely a competant director. The whole trend of casting directors in important roles needs to stop. Cameos are great, and the only saving grace for 'Hostel', for example was Takashi Miike's brief cameo to me. But QT's ego is just unmatchable, and somehow we are supposed to believe that him, next to brawny soldiers was accepted to the military, passed basic training, got put with an elite unit and served in Iraq with the unit that infact killed Osama Bin Laden and paid the price in being sprayed with a zombifying chemical. Then I'm supposed to believe that he is so bad ass that he would be high in command enough to go off to rape two women while nobody gives a shit?

UGH. GO AWAY, QT. He had to have written his own dialog, as he had the same dialog he pretty much does in every film he is in; the whole awkard diatribe about something gruesome involving a lot of swears and obscure pop culture references. I know I'm sounding like a broken record, but his act is really tired.

From here we are treated to another few faux-trailers, which were amazing. Eli Roth of 'Hostel' fame pretty much stole the show with his 'Thanksgiving' trailer, Edgar Wright of 'Shaun of the Dead' fame did the 'Don't Scream' trailer (which was just kinda blah), and Rob Zombie's awesome 'Werewolf Women of the SS' trailer with Nick Cage with a FuManchu was incredible. What really struck me about this was the uniformity of the trailers; they all kept with the visual style and kept the same feeling that 'Machete' and 'Planet Terror' presenting, while still being unique to themselves and not seeming like they were all done for the sole purpose of this film extravaganza. The point I'm making here is leading me directly into...

Death Proof. Death Proof was a one man tour-de-force, and it had nothing to do with Quentin Tarantino. It had everything to do with Kurt Russell. I've seen people saying this might 'revive' Russell's career, and while I don't know about that, he was just incredible in this. This film sadly falls apart and proves QT might not be on the same level of the other directors featured in 'Grindhouse.' Planet Terror was enthralling, exciting and easily one of the best zombie movies I've ever seen. It was fast-paced, fun and just plain awesome. The trailers were the same, then QT comes at us with a slow, plodding, dialog-based film with very little action until the end.

A lot of people don't understand the criticism launched against 'Death Proof' and chalk it up to people not liking 'slower' films. That really isn't the case. There are many great 'slow' films, and this is not one of them. QT is a guy that prides himself on his dialog, and what we got instead was the same dialog, verbatim, from his past films. The situations are nearly the same; sitting around a table smart-talking, riding in a car smart-talking, the 'I'm going to kill you, let me go off on a diatribe' smart-talking and so on. QT's dialog is played out, and he really needs to come up with something new other than the above situations lined with obscurish pop culture references, obscure and foreign film masturbation and ample use of the word 'fuck' as an adjective, noun, verb and anything else he can squeak it in as.

The action, when there is action, is great, but that is pretty much reserved for the end of the film. The end of the film is by far the best part, and I really can't say much bad for it, but the whole first half just doesn't fit. Not only does it not fit, but the visual style totally ruins everything that was being built in 'Grindhouse.' I was giving it a chance, as the beginning of gratuitous ass-shots, cheesey music and quick dialog and camera cuts seemed totally 70's b-film. Then it just went to long, masturbatory dialog sequences and building of characters that have no consequence on the point of the film for about half of it. He creates characters you want to care about, kills them off, and then creates a bunch you don't care about and makes them your heroins. Greeeat.

Not only that, but here he is as the owner of the bar, on my screen for another 20+ minutes. Dear lord, make him stop. But back to the style, the style falls apart, and it goes from an undeterminable point in history to being set in modern day and looking like a modern film with a few retro cars and films mentioned. The emulation of Rodriguez's 'missing reel' gimmick was just bland, not funny and poorly executed compared to the previous film's, and just about anything else done similarly just wasn't on the same level of interest. Which makes me wonder, how did these 'lesser directors' make their faux-previews come out so well, but QT can't make his own grand idea work? He tried to do something, and really failed. Nevermind the placement of the film made no sense. Maybe this film would have been better if it came first? Its slower pace that builds to something quicker would have been a great lead-in to 'Planet Terror', and 'Planet Terror' was just the better film, period.

That isn't saying 'Death Proof' was all shit, as the action sequences were great, the acting was good (as was the casting), and as mentioned, Kurt Russell really stood out. My only issue with Kurt Russell was how horribly his character was written. He is a bad ass, but we don't know if his killings in the beginning was a random occurance, something he had done before, or what. We see him put himself into a horrible wreck without fear, then at the end take a bullet to the arm (well, he got grazed) and fall apart, turning into a crying mess, after apologizing to the girls for chasing them. The character is all over the place, and maybe all of the time he spent building up these girls (who, if according to the b-movie formula were just for T&A, should have had much lesser roles) and more time focusing on 'Stuntman Mike' and his past, the ending would have been a lot more of a rush and possibly made more sense.

All in all, its a great idea that was executed well (for the most part), and the only parts that fell flat in the 3 and a half hours were QT's ego-stroking dialog-sequences and his lack of understanding of his own concept. Go figure, the guy who spends his career making movies that had been made before cannot do it when it is supposed to be blatant, but can when he is hiding it.